mondeh mornin rain is not fallin

monday's here. 551am.

was thinking of getting a written-type journal. a public viewing enabled blog doesnt allow storage of personal secrets. and the deepest of thoughts. maybe shop for an ideal one later todeh. having a journal can be quite useful, where its only you and yourself. self-reflection, the most personal of spaces. the blog will still be a place to upload and unload though. i believe, there are many reasons why one blogs. sharing is the most common of them all.

there are many things one can learn about themself in a space of a day. or a weekend. especially when he has too much time doing fairly nothing much. im thankful for this weekend. and many weekends(including past weekdays), for the experiences. iv been thinking too much.

hunger and passion. what makes a person want something. why do people want so many things in their life. do people work for themselves or for someone they have to support. why are people lazy. what will make someone work so hard. i think i have been in some rut. a snowballing of poor habits and rules. which leads to the state of current.

it is true, living in singapore can be tough to many. as compared to staying elsewhere. especially in terms of cost of living, childcare, medical needs. transportation. but eventually you still have to survive here. or migrate to wherever suits your fancy.

hunger. what creates hunger. the drive to succeed. the passion to excel. some do not live by this. some swear by this principal. to be the best. to be the best can drive someone crazy. the will to succeed. will you fail if you dont succeed. one's personal standards determine the will to succeed? it IS considered examplary if you want to do your best. but being the best is not the only way to do things. in fact. if someone has been imbued with 'you have to be the best' mindset since young and he faces failures, he may not be able to cope with it.

the big picture. what kind of house do i want to live in in the future. what kind of car will i want to own. what kind of things CAN i afford. is life always about these things only. i mean. when we started education, it will all lead to these topics. but are all these material things the only things why we put in effort in studying. and work. i think it may be a little sad, this situation. because all things material cannot justify a large part of life. it shouldnt. and all things material shouldnt be the sole reason why i work and earn. there is more to that in life.

yay. im rambling. but heck. this'll make up for all the procrastinatin of being in here. lets flood this blog.

what can i do about disorganisation. sometimes i feel that it is not disorganisation that's stopping me from doing things. its the thought of procrastinating whats disorganised that really does it. i mean, if you're disorganised, but still keep doing em, at least you're completing things. unfortunately maybe a lil bit slower but at least.

responsibility. order. dreams. challenges. confidence. blaah.

change topic. the lot went to JB on the friday evening for dinner. gary took the van and hafiz with his bike. i drove Karsten's land rover kinda jeep for about 400 metres. haha. it was fun. this'll be the second time iv driven a manual transmission vehicle. isnt that tough. highlights of the trip will be the malaysian customs hold-up. the custom's official in malaysia was a little sneaky though. we almost exited the malaysian customs when he held up the van. and demamded 200 ringgit for a goods van, whether there's any goods or not. stupid ruling. and we got off in the end, tellin them we were a broke bunch of students without 200 ringgit, even if we tried pooling all our dough together. too large a suspicion of him pocketing that amount for his own usage. quote of the evening was from Hafiz Pizza, "abih, kalau kita tunggu sini, awak bagi kita makan tak?". translation, "so if we were to stay here, will we be given food?". That was the reply to the customs official asking us to leave our van there if we didnt have 200 bucks. to which, he yelled, "WHO DO YOU think youre talking to", pointing to his overstuffed outfit. hilarious. he desperately did not want to let us off. fucker(pardon moi). we shouldve just ran him over or drove off.

6.30am. appointment at bukit panjang 10 am. gotta put stuffs in the right places in my room. everythings everywhere. thats how bad the situation is. gotta boulder in SP later tonight. ok enuff of typin. laters.

sigh

nightmarish